27-04-2017


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Are you a restless art aficionado demonstrating a rigorous consuming of museum openings or gallery private viewings? Are you a widely outspoken persona who loves showing off while entering an art space? If so, then double check whether the security guards keep an eye on you not because they feel amazed, but because they have to circumvent any unforgettable not-happy-end stories. Unpleasant attendances in glamorous events tend to take place more often lately, so bear in mind that if you crave for some special fun, then you might end up alone out of the venue’s back door. Here are seven funny ways to be kicked out of a gallery opening:

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1. Loud and drunken art conversations

What is the second best reason for someone to attend a special evening at a famous museum event? Obviously, drinking cocktails with interesting people. Exchanging opinions about the event holding a refreshing drink is always an indication of a great gathering. However, if for any reason ordering free drinks does excite you, then start thinking whether a pub suits you more than a gala event. Being drunk and disturbing the event’s peace does not honor that invitation you received, but rather invites big trouble for you. It would not be weird though to see you get kicked out before you down your fifth drink.


2. The art of mingling with a hot waiter

Prestigious art events always feature a pleasing welcome experience and the organizers demand excellent front of house services. That means that good looking men and women in black suits will be there offering some great assistance. Eye fluttering skills on a good looking waiter, which tends to make him or her feel uncomfortable, might cause unpredictable consequences, too. Showing your flirty attitude or even worse experimenting your body language with a member of staff while working is an additional fair sign for you to be thrown out of the event. Probably alone and not landing in the arms of your hottie.


3. Ignore ‘No photography allowed’ notifications

It is not very unpopular to attend a special art event under some strict cautionary advice. It feels quite annoying nowadays when viewers are not free to take pictures with their smartphones or videos, however curators or artists usually come up with copyright issues. If you obsessively take selfies and post them on social media platforms, do not further mess around with intellectual property matters, otherwise you will not be surrounded by arty people but with some officers warning you to leave immediately. Thus, do not be that brave and proudly post pictures on Instagram as you will end up getting bullied online too!


4. To bring or not to bring children in exhibitions?

If your children join you in a contemporary art space showcasing some controversial performances or fragile artworks, then please ensure in advance how many ‘Do not touch’ posters exist in the space. If you are also one of these proud parents who emphatically encourage their kids to engage themselves with high art, I am afraid that you might experience some troubles, if they start jumping on the installation’s sofa. Even if nothing fortunately breaks, yet some smart kids breach security rope barriers and lay on a flimsy made sofa, it is very likely you and your family to be escorted out. Not to mention the worst case scenario of being asked to pay 1 million for breaking and already broken-looking sofa.


5. Do not insist for a photograph with celebrities.

Possibly, you will come across celebs among the guests of a gallery opening, but this is not the right timing to ask for a photograph with them. Furthermore, these famous people will be silently surrounded by their bodyguards aiming to avoid unpleasant situations. Kindly remember that the art show is not dedicated on them, hence you better show some more respect on the featured artist of this show. Even if they seem approachable, your persistence could lead you out the party looking them only at the tabloids once again.


6. Bad timing for job hunting…

Did you recently quit your job? Are now trying to find alternative ways to reach the right people through broadening your art network? Thumps down! Art shows are always a great opportunity to meet new people and build interesting relationships with other art professionals, however do not overdo it.Please concentrate on some new contemporary art and save your energy for job hunting for another day, otherwise your prey will eat your hopes away.


7. Please, be quiet!

White cube gallery spaces are built like this on purpose. People usually need some peace to appreciate an art exhibition. If you find the gallery’s opening boring and feel the need to start chatting in order to kill your time for being there, then the worst thing you could do is to embark on disturbing other guests’ conversations or talking loud to show how smart you are interpreting the work of art. It is more than evident that soon or later someone will show you the exit and leave you to enjoy the quietness of the back alley…

 

Yannis-Kostarias-theartgorgeouse
Yannis Kostarias
(IG: y_cos) is keen on contemporary art, film, photography and fashion; currently a freelancer and author with graduate studies in KCL’s Arts & Cultural Management, following degrees in Film and Politics.

 

Photo via cobosocial.com and youtube